The Bangalore Trip

Have u ever been really misunderstood? Of course you have. We all have been through it. A blog post I wrote in Jan turned out to be too controversial for my taste. Fought with two very important people over it. And then I disappeared into a cocoon, a bit scared of hurting more feelings. But I came back, after a few smiles over the same post - my hands itching to write. And here I am writing again....

Regarding the last few months... LOTS has happened!! I've become an Alumni. I've been hired. I've fought over one of my life's biggest decisions. I've met some old friends after a very very long time. and the vacation still aint over. Some of you who follow me on Facebook, might know what I'm bragging about but for the rest...

• I've graduated from IIM Indore with a Post Graduate Diploma in Management
• I shall be joining Pfizer on June 28th
• Let's skip this one for the time being
• I traveled to Bangalore and met friends from my days in Kota and Chennai

Yes, I'm still in bullet-point mode. :)
Points 1 and 2 - Not for today, and not for this blog. Point 3 would require a whole new blog or a book.
The Bangalore trip.... that's when the mind starts flowing with words.

They call Bangalore (or should I say Bangaluru) the Silicon Valley of India. Naturally, it's the city where many of my best friends are employed today. In addition to that, a cousin sister and her two great kids... The city becomes an emotional magnet, to which I surrendered this summer. The trip being pretty much unplanned saw me traveling by buses almost everywhere. I hate Railways for allowing people to plan their trips 3 months in advance and then cancel 24 hrs b4 departure, losing just 20 bucks. Madness!!

What was so amazing about the Bangalore Trip? Friends & Family (I'm sure that sounds strange after my previous post, but then again I did say I'm a big sucker for family and even bigger when it comes to friends)... We have strange relations with many members of the family, but with some we just have an understanding, a bonding.. though we meet very little, we feel we can just open up to them. That's how it is with my cousin in Bangalore... even though we're 12 yrs apart by age. and her daughter, well she's a true doll - one gal whom it's so hard to say goodbye to. Some people could really get parenting skills from that pair (I mean my Sis and Jiju). :) It became tough when I had to divide the limited time between her family and my friends out there. But, I'd say I managed pretty well, even though time management isn't my forte.

When we say goodbyes we always think we'll meet people some time soon. Even me.... but that's not how it worked out with my roommate from Kota (Anurag); we met after 6 years, and boy was that a long time for buddies like us. GE had to send that fool off to Bulgaria or Hungary or Bosnia or some country like that.... and hence I was only able to spend about half a day with him, half of which I spent twitching with food poisoning (not what you expect after eating at a place like Sahib Sindh Sultan - awesome decor I must say however). Whatever the pain may have been, the shared nostalgia was amazing!! It felt like we were 18 again, playing cricket, tackling neighbors, sharing meals in Kota again.

There was a touch of Chennai and Indore as well in Bangalore. The former I met after 2 years and the latter... well after 2 months, but both felt like ages. An evening which took us from Shoppers Stop to Hard Rock Cafe to UB City to some restaurant whose name I can't recall (strange considering that I gave my treat there)... followed by a night which some would wish to remember and some.... well..... u know what I mean. ;-) Let's just say we were in high spirits, some more than others. What will I never forget from that day.... Chandu's bag of gold, Raj's constant whining as he sat behind me on his Pulsar :), Gokul's advice and also his description of how TCS mates work, Rudra & Sidhu driving all the way from Chennai, the argument with Swati over the route to her guesthouse, Rijin's photography stints, Raj's community mug, Sachin's persistent efforts to get back home b4 his mom wakes up and well.... my dance (read "hands and legs moving in unknown directions in no particular fashion") and mimickery (no, not of politicians or film stars, but of a German Shepherd and a Pomeranian).

Though I was gone from home for almost a month (including the time spent in Surat & Mumbai), I hardly felt the time pass (unlike my time spent in Udaipur). I just hope Bangalore beckons me again very soon.

Dear Family

A 1000 nails being hammered into my head. That's how it feels right now. Nothing extraordinary - just a severe headache in full force (A result of physical and mental exertion). The former due to a bit of early morning traveling and some very hot weather and the latter due to a Pandora's Box full of reasons. I too hope that, similar to mythological beliefs, once all the pains of this box are released, "hope" is left inside.

You must be wondering what fills my Pandora's Box.... Well, to keep it simple, "Family & Relationships". I know there's loads of hype in this world about family being the first home and how loving and caring family members are... bla bla bla. Fine, all that is great. I agree, it has its benefits. But the heavy burden and pain and tears it also brings along is probably ignored by many. Or maybe some people are just born into perfect families, though I highly doubt that. I truly feel that all blood relations are pretty screwed up. I'm sure it'll be scientifically proved some day that similar gene structures repel each other (A new and evolved Bio-magnetism Theory).

April-June 2010 has been the longest time period I've spent at home since 2002, and I must say, i haven't enjoyed it one bit. I'm honestly sick of all the back-biting and fake love & care shown for each other. I hate that many of us just cant be honest and tell each other how much we hate each others guts. It's frustrating to see how much people compromise and struggle to keep a good face in the family. I find it highly baffling - the capacity which people possess to speak and bother about everything beneath the sky, other than themselves. 

They say "Honesty is the best policy" and "Lying is a bad deed", but then they teach their children lies from Day 1. We call half those lies "Good Manners". The remaining half is eulogized by us Indians as OUR great culture. "Beta, Sabhi ko Pranam bolna" ; "Uncle-Aunty, Bahut achha laga aap padhaare" . The minute they're out the gate, you bitch about them. What the hell??

We worship many relations in India. Father, Mother, Sister, Brother, Husband etc. Yeah, we had our own ways of celebrating them, far before Archies and 123greetings created so-called " ----- Days". How many of us actually love "all the above". If you said Yes, I have a few words for you... "Good, but quit lying to yourself". I'm not saying all family-relationships suck, but yes most DO. We curse the Americans for their rotten culture. Why? Because they're frank? Because they don't tolerate bull shit? Because they say goodbye to relationships which lost their meaning at the age of 15. or sometimes at the age of 4.... or is it because they're over-professional when it comes to family?

I have very rarely seen 2 brothers live "happily ever after", it's not just the Ambani Bros.  We just don't shoot each other (well at least most of the time). Half the marriages in our culture are compromises, but we're greater than the western society coz we stick together like glue and pretend to be hunky dory. Half the kids in our country also hate their old parents. But we have the best culture in this world because we don't send them to old-age homes. I wonder how many of you have witnessed family quarrels... or seen family-wealth division. How much more professional can we get man....

I'm probably one of the biggest family-loving suckers in this world, but I won't lie, not to myself, not to anyone else, maintaining many of these blood-based or should I say gene-based relationships, gives me nightmares and at times a real heart-ache. I once told one of my siblings... "I wish I could keep everyone happy". But I ask myself now... Who am I kidding. It's impossible. We just LOVE to HATE....

P.S. To all those who have the same A-T-G-C structure as me, please don't call me to give me Gyaan. I love you all.... :)

The Early Morning Phone Call...

How many of you get triggered to write at 8 in the morning, as soon as u get up? Well, I'm writing exactly at that time, except that I haven't slept all night. Am I an Insomniac, a Workaholic, an Owl or just a freak... You'd have to know me for another 50 years to actually decide. So you're wondering what that trigger was? It was an early morning call from a dear friend of mine. It was a pretty interesting call actualy. Very much like 2 ordinary people speaking, except that neither one of us is ordinary.

So, it's just two non-ordinary people speaking about a lot of weird stuff... "sleep" to start off with...and "sleep" to move on with... So much "sleep" talk that I ended up putting this on FB - "Sleep is too over-rated". Of course my dear friend had my best interests at heart and she was just trying to make me realise that "ordinary" people sleep!! Sounded absurd coming from a non-ordinary person like her... :)

Anyways, as I said... Sleep IS over-rated and the talk did eventually shift to other crazier topics. This time the trigger was FB and one of its friend suggestions - "Vineet Nair". The discussion began on "Nair" and I ended up doing a search on Wikepedia, which informed me that the Nairs are a clan from Kerala and are also known as Malayala Kshatriya. That was when I remembered a search I had done last night, about "matriarchal society". Behind that is another long story and another phone call...(Yes, like my friends Neha & Ashish say... I am on my phone a lot). If you're wondering what matriarchal societies are, I'll tell u just enough to keep you interested... It refers to a form of society in which the leading role is taken by the women and especially by mothers of a community. Yes guys, I mean to say exactly what your thinking - Men take their wives' surnames after marriage, women/mothers own all the property, daughters GET all the property. Snap out of your nightmares (or beautiful dreams if you're a gal) coz Wikipedia says this - "There are no known societies that are unambiguously matriarchal." I'm hopeful even though my other friend (the one I was speaking to last night) said that 25 years from now, when I have kids, India might just be a matriarchy. I'm not any prophet, but I find that close to impossible.

All this discussion on Wikipedia facts ended up in my dear friend saying that now she knew what I did all night... Girls are sooooo naive... Sorry was that too cheezy? :)

Anyways, i moved on to more interesting grounds after that... I thought of reading out lyrics of two beautiful songs I had heard a few days back. The words made so much sense... especially me reading them to her. I don't think she realised that either... :)

We spoke about quite a few other things as well...

a) A cheque of mine which I "supposedly" did not tell this friend about (at least not b4 she found out from someone else) and now that cheque is lost in the stationary of SBI probably and never got cashed into my account. I told her - "tumhari nazar lag gai" and asked her not to repeat the same to another cheque coming in 2 days...She replied - "I'll transfer your lost money from my account to yours if you want".. now, if you're thinking..What a gr8 friend... I'll just tell you that she was JOKING and she's a pakka baniya (is the gender right for a gal... dunno).

b) A Teaching Associate at IIM Indore who apparently has a lot of student friends on FB, including my dear friend.

c) A blog - "Wake up and Smell the Coffee" which I was recommending her to read.... This was I believe the time when she commented - "I guess this is the prelude to an author's life" in a very sarcastic but friendly way. I joked back - "Why don't u just say Madness before becoming an Author". She kinda didn't like that joke. She doesn't like a LOT of things about me (my humour being just one of those things which are pretty high up on the list). I got a good verbal bashing for that.... And that was just the start.

Over the course of our 27 minute talk... she got the impression (more than once) that I was asking her to hang up or sleep (never realising that she HERSELF did mention numerous times that she loved sleeping and could take another nap). Anyways, she eventually slammed the phone on me (I don't know if that line works these days, considering that we all use cell phones, but anyways, I'm sure u get the point). I know... How rude of her!! She didn't call back either. Yes... I did, and gave her a nice sentimental line - "You won't always find people who'll call you back" and then I hung up (what did u think I'd do...??). This time she did call back... but it all went down-hill from there.. I could feel the tension between us on the line. It ended with a lot of silence... another one of my crazy jokes and a pretty rough "good bye". No one called after that...

But technology did some more damage. I'm referring to the devil abbreviated as "SMS". She texted a few things... and I wrote back nastier stuff (her fault... she put them in my mouth, or should I say fingers..). That was the end of the beautiful morning... From Great to Nice to Bad to Horrible. Am I saying Sorry to her...?? I'd love to, but I know her too well. She wouldn't care. After a couple of days, she'll just behave as if nothing happened... Suits her. Doesn't suit me but I guess we all live in a matriarchal society in some ways... :)

This post is dedicated to my "Dear Friend"... Friends Forever....

The Truth Behind each Mask

In a way, this post is a review of "Adam", the Hugh Dancy-Rose Byrne starring movie released in 2009, however it's a bit more about human behaviour. No I'm not going to get into psychology or philosophy, and you might be intrigued by my views.

First... A brief background about "Adam"... the movie is about Adam, who suffers from Asperger Syndrome, which in turn is the reason for his odd behaviour when it comes to interacting with the society at large. The movie is a sweet romantic comedy with elements of drama included to give seriousness to the characters. Adam seems to survive on - meals consisting of All-Bran Cereal and Macaroni & Cheese and his love for electronics & astronomy (to be honest he's a know-all nerd). His life turns up-side down when he meets Beth who has just moved into the same apartment as him. Beth pulls Adam out of his sheltered life into the true world. The relationship they share is amazing (to say the least), and shows you an extreme case of love between two very different individuals. Anyways, I'll let you watch the movie to enjoy the feel truly.

What i'm interested in bringing out is the innocent honesty of Adam, which of course leads him to people's weird looks on most occasions. Asparger Syndrome (AS) might be called a neurobiological disorder but what's true, is that in many ways it keeps you a child... a child true to himself and true to everyone else. Why is it a disorder? Because we're used to social norms and lies and anyone who doesn't fit into our society is weird? Well, it led me to wonder... aren't we all the one's who have been ruined by age and social up-bringing? Aren't we the ones who wear masks day in and day out? Aren't we the ones who lie to our family, our friends or anyone else for that matter?

Day in and day out, we are expected to understand what other people are thinking. But we aren't ready to just express ourselves without having to lie. We just pretend to understand the world... we're expected to know what our loved ones are feeling, but is it that easy? And are our predictions always correct (ask a boy and girl in a relationship, you'll know what I mean)? We love to hide our true self because we're scared of what people would think about us. Wouldn't it be nice if for once the whole world wore no mask? Wouldn't you like to be honest to every person you interacted with? I think I would... I'd love to discard my mask and be able to speak my heart and mind out, without the fear of "what they would think". The world would be a better place if all of us had an element of AS in us. Initially it might sound difficult, it might sound uncivilized. but in the end, it would be beautiful.... Then again... that's my view. :)

Just one more thing... Do check out these two soundtracks from "Adam" (they're lovely):

"Someone else's life" by Joshua Radin

"When you find Me" by Joshua Radin feat. Maria Taylor

This post is dedicated to all those with Asperger Syndrome

The Author Within...

It's been a habit for me... When I'm supposed to be the busiest in my life, I suddenly seem to find some time to write on my blog. I guess it helps me keep my cool. Yes, i love writing. Today, I finally started to write a novel. ok, now don't give me that look... It's been a dream to write stories, and I lost the touch after the first short story I wrote when I was in Read School, Connecticut (5th Grade). It's become such a distant memory now.

At times I feel that I would've ended up a writer if I stayed in the U.S. But, once back in India, I just ended up following that race of ambitions.. fulfilling the family's dreams... From a Writer to a Doctor to an Engineer to a Manager and Entrepreneur... The first two I never actually became... the third is for namesake... and the last two, well, I guess I'm finally passionate about them.. Education tends to do this to you... You don't need "3 idiots" to learn that... And parents won't change even after they see such movies. :) No, I'm not criticizing the movie! Far from it... I'm a hard core fan of Aamir and loved the movie.

Excuse me for this mindset... It's Placement Season and well... You're mind starts to think this is all trivial. Yeah... Money, fame, recognition.... Who needs all that, right?? Yeah right... Who are you kidding? Unless, you're in your early 60s like my dad, don't even think you're gonna fool anyone. Yeah, we all wana make a difference, but I havent' seen too many people who would do it at the cost of their own careers. Now, you're probably branding me as "Typical IIM Grad". Stop being judgemental, and just read....

Everyone has dreams, right?? You ask kids... They want to be a Painter, a Dancer, a Singer, a Filmstar, a Sportstar... The things he/she finds more glamorous, come higher up the list... I wanted to be a writer.. I was fascinated by the way we could make the world look/behave through our imagination. I loved movies (especially animations like Lion King, Aladdin etc) and wished I could cook up some story like that some day. It was then that a teacher encouraged me to write for the school magazine... and I did. What happened after that... Well, Daddy dearest decided to move back to India and the rest is history... (No, I'm not complaining about having come back here. I'm not a hard core patriot, but I do love India, in many ways... and more than anything else, this place has given me gr8 friends). But yes, after coming back here, it was all about proving your worth to the family. Writing was not a career. Not that I myself ever took it seriously. As I grew up, materialism began to set in. Money became the ever-existing vice. it became "god" at some age. And then, that was history...

What state of my life am I now in....?? The stage where I say to myself... I'll do work that'll make me happy, but not at a very low pay. Money doesn't rule the mind, but "work" does. In management parlons, it's the profile, the JD that matters. But "packages" are always at the side of the mind, in addition to brand names... So we become choosy. We think we deserve better. Never really knowing, when "better" arrives. and so, today, I sat down and began to think... What do I really want. And you know what I came up with...??

I saw myself travelling... Travelling to crazy unknown places... Why? To write... a novel. Meeting people, interacting (through sign language on many occasions) and putting thoughts into words. Not worrying about next week's paycheck, but writing coz I love it. Not to win any Nobel or Booker or Pulitzer... But because I love it!!

Ok, this was not any revelation and I have not decided to become a travelling gypsy, so don't jump to conclusions. :) But I did decide today to start writing... bit by bit... and come up with a short novel. Please don't ask me "when" or "about what". Let the author inside me decide. Maybe I'm just trying to hold on to the ashes of a dead dream. But then again, I'd like to try...