Friday, June 11, 2010

Dear Family

A 1000 nails being hammered into my head. That's how it feels right now. Nothing extraordinary - just a severe headache in full force (A result of physical and mental exertion). The former due to a bit of early morning traveling and some very hot weather and the latter due to a Pandora's Box full of reasons. I too hope that, similar to mythological beliefs, once all the pains of this box are released, "hope" is left inside.

You must be wondering what fills my Pandora's Box.... Well, to keep it simple, "Family & Relationships". I know there's loads of hype in this world about family being the first home and how loving and caring family members are... bla bla bla. Fine, all that is great. I agree, it has its benefits. But the heavy burden and pain and tears it also brings along is probably ignored by many. Or maybe some people are just born into perfect families, though I highly doubt that. I truly feel that all blood relations are pretty screwed up. I'm sure it'll be scientifically proved some day that similar gene structures repel each other (A new and evolved Bio-magnetism Theory).

April-June 2010 has been the longest time period I've spent at home since 2002, and I must say, i haven't enjoyed it one bit. I'm honestly sick of all the back-biting and fake love & care shown for each other. I hate that many of us just cant be honest and tell each other how much we hate each others guts. It's frustrating to see how much people compromise and struggle to keep a good face in the family. I find it highly baffling - the capacity which people possess to speak and bother about everything beneath the sky, other than themselves. 

They say "Honesty is the best policy" and "Lying is a bad deed", but then they teach their children lies from Day 1. We call half those lies "Good Manners". The remaining half is eulogized by us Indians as OUR great culture. "Beta, Sabhi ko Pranam bolna" ; "Uncle-Aunty, Bahut achha laga aap padhaare" . The minute they're out the gate, you bitch about them. What the hell??

We worship many relations in India. Father, Mother, Sister, Brother, Husband etc. Yeah, we had our own ways of celebrating them, far before Archies and 123greetings created so-called " ----- Days". How many of us actually love "all the above". If you said Yes, I have a few words for you... "Good, but quit lying to yourself". I'm not saying all family-relationships suck, but yes most DO. We curse the Americans for their rotten culture. Why? Because they're frank? Because they don't tolerate bull shit? Because they say goodbye to relationships which lost their meaning at the age of 15. or sometimes at the age of 4.... or is it because they're over-professional when it comes to family?

I have very rarely seen 2 brothers live "happily ever after", it's not just the Ambani Bros.  We just don't shoot each other (well at least most of the time). Half the marriages in our culture are compromises, but we're greater than the western society coz we stick together like glue and pretend to be hunky dory. Half the kids in our country also hate their old parents. But we have the best culture in this world because we don't send them to old-age homes. I wonder how many of you have witnessed family quarrels... or seen family-wealth division. How much more professional can we get man....

I'm probably one of the biggest family-loving suckers in this world, but I won't lie, not to myself, not to anyone else, maintaining many of these blood-based or should I say gene-based relationships, gives me nightmares and at times a real heart-ache. I once told one of my siblings... "I wish I could keep everyone happy". But I ask myself now... Who am I kidding. It's impossible. We just LOVE to HATE....

P.S. To all those who have the same A-T-G-C structure as me, please don't call me to give me Gyaan. I love you all.... :)


Anonymous said...

Well Ravi..Read your thoughts.. I wont completely agree or disagree with u..we as indians are full of hypocrisy..thats what I have observed after coming to US. why do we accuse them of having no culture?Just because their thoughts don't match ours,we cant accuse them of having no culture...I have seen americans & I have seen that they too love their kids as we do.. & whenever u see anyone..(u might know him or not) u smile at him & say hi..Is that bad?? I don't know why have we glorified our culture..but yes happy families do exist..My both the families..the closest ones..are very happy ones,touchwood & i really don't give a shit to people who I don't love. & Yes..u can't keep everyone happy..We have to learn to be selfish at times.

Anonymous said...

like seriously... ! :) :)
i really like the way u write.. you actually might make it to business school writers!!! :D

Dominic Pritham said...

It's important to be true to yourself. Adjustments and compromises shouldn't be influenced by compulsion. It should come from one's self. With that being said, there is always the "other" point of view which needs to be considered. Bottom line is, do as much as you can, don't change yourself in the process.