The Author Within...

It's been a habit for me... When I'm supposed to be the busiest in my life, I suddenly seem to find some time to write on my blog. I guess it helps me keep my cool. Yes, i love writing. Today, I finally started to write a novel. ok, now don't give me that look... It's been a dream to write stories, and I lost the touch after the first short story I wrote when I was in Read School, Connecticut (5th Grade). It's become such a distant memory now.

At times I feel that I would've ended up a writer if I stayed in the U.S. But, once back in India, I just ended up following that race of ambitions.. fulfilling the family's dreams... From a Writer to a Doctor to an Engineer to a Manager and Entrepreneur... The first two I never actually became... the third is for namesake... and the last two, well, I guess I'm finally passionate about them.. Education tends to do this to you... You don't need "3 idiots" to learn that... And parents won't change even after they see such movies. :) No, I'm not criticizing the movie! Far from it... I'm a hard core fan of Aamir and loved the movie.

Excuse me for this mindset... It's Placement Season and well... You're mind starts to think this is all trivial. Yeah... Money, fame, recognition.... Who needs all that, right?? Yeah right... Who are you kidding? Unless, you're in your early 60s like my dad, don't even think you're gonna fool anyone. Yeah, we all wana make a difference, but I havent' seen too many people who would do it at the cost of their own careers. Now, you're probably branding me as "Typical IIM Grad". Stop being judgemental, and just read....

Everyone has dreams, right?? You ask kids... They want to be a Painter, a Dancer, a Singer, a Filmstar, a Sportstar... The things he/she finds more glamorous, come higher up the list... I wanted to be a writer.. I was fascinated by the way we could make the world look/behave through our imagination. I loved movies (especially animations like Lion King, Aladdin etc) and wished I could cook up some story like that some day. It was then that a teacher encouraged me to write for the school magazine... and I did. What happened after that... Well, Daddy dearest decided to move back to India and the rest is history... (No, I'm not complaining about having come back here. I'm not a hard core patriot, but I do love India, in many ways... and more than anything else, this place has given me gr8 friends). But yes, after coming back here, it was all about proving your worth to the family. Writing was not a career. Not that I myself ever took it seriously. As I grew up, materialism began to set in. Money became the ever-existing vice. it became "god" at some age. And then, that was history...

What state of my life am I now in....?? The stage where I say to myself... I'll do work that'll make me happy, but not at a very low pay. Money doesn't rule the mind, but "work" does. In management parlons, it's the profile, the JD that matters. But "packages" are always at the side of the mind, in addition to brand names... So we become choosy. We think we deserve better. Never really knowing, when "better" arrives. and so, today, I sat down and began to think... What do I really want. And you know what I came up with...??

I saw myself travelling... Travelling to crazy unknown places... Why? To write... a novel. Meeting people, interacting (through sign language on many occasions) and putting thoughts into words. Not worrying about next week's paycheck, but writing coz I love it. Not to win any Nobel or Booker or Pulitzer... But because I love it!!

Ok, this was not any revelation and I have not decided to become a travelling gypsy, so don't jump to conclusions. :) But I did decide today to start writing... bit by bit... and come up with a short novel. Please don't ask me "when" or "about what". Let the author inside me decide. Maybe I'm just trying to hold on to the ashes of a dead dream. But then again, I'd like to try...